"The Gerda That Remains" is made possible in part by the contributing members of PBS Utah.

Thank you.

- [Gerda] Peter!

- [Peter] Yeah.

- [Gerda] Could you help me?

- [Peter] Do you need the phone?

- [Gerda] I need the phone.

- [Peter] Now put down the speaker.

- [Gerda] Okay.

- [Recorded message] Thank you for calling University of Utah Health.

Your call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance.

- [Woman] Hi, can I help you?

- Hi, my name is Gerda Saunders, and I must make an appointment with the clinic.

I have severe memory loss, and my husband helps me with my appointment, so I'm gonna put him on the phone.

- [Woman] Okay, my apologies, before I can speak with him, I would need to have you to confirm who you are and then we'll be able to go forward from there, okay?

- Okay, sure.

- [Woman] Okay, and what is your first and last name, ma'am, my apologies.

- No, my first name I'll spell for you.

It is G-E-R-D-A.

- [Woman] And your date of birth?

- 9/26/49.

- Okay, my apologies, ma'am, can you just confirm that for me?

- Yes.

- Confirm your date of birth.

- Yes.

- I just have to have you to tell me your date of birth, my apologies.

- I know.

- [Peter] Hang on a second.

I might have it here.

- [Woman] I need you to have you to verify your information, and then it won't be a problem for your husband to help you with it.

That will be fine, no problem.

- Okay, no, good.

(somber music) - I'm reading about this manic stage that I get into.

It's this mood swings, from obsessive to completely wiped out, is characteristics of many dementias.

- Oh, really?

- I don't now.

But it's better than lying on the couch and doing nothing.

- (chuckles) Yes.

Let's see.

- Dealing with the effect of memory loss is very different than how I imagined it was when I saw other people getting older and losing their memories.

It drains me for all energy in that minute.

The emotion that comes up when you realize that you in the middle of loss.

It feels like every time it happens another little layer of who I thought of as myself is being scraped away.

(somber music continues) So I'm very aware of being on my way to a terminal, but I don't know how far it will be.

But some days, it doesn't look for me too unattractive just to come to a stop.

I'm gonna go back to the bedroom and get my coffee in bed, is that okay?

- I will.

- Okay.

- [Peter] No problem.

Sweet, here's your coffee.

- Thank you, my sweetie.

Thank you.

Mine.

(indistinct) my sweetie.

Are your feet cold?

- (chuckles) A little bit, I'll stick 'em underneath here a bit.

- Yeah.

- So, what's.

(droning drowns out audio) I grew up in South Africa.

In fact, apartheid started the year I was born, 1949.

(somber music) Even though we were dirt poor, my mother made sure that there were always books in the house.

So in my mind, I had a huge responsibility in my family to do well at school, because everybody was making sacrifices for me to be in the school.

And my mother made a meal for eight people out of a little can of what we called "fish cookies."

And here I was in this boarding school, the teachers, and the library, I had so much privilege, I had to perform academically.

And I loved it.

It became who I was.

I have a very strong sense of myself, still, as an intellectual being.

But it's not a overwhelming thing.

So even though I am disconcerted by the fact that my mental world is fading, I am very much boosted by the fact that my communal world is putting out fingers to fill the holes in the dike of that part of myself.

So I can appreciate myself more as a communal being.

I was teaching at the University of Utah, and I was the chair of the Women's Week committee, it was the first meeting.

At some point this man was talking, and it happens to me sometimes, that I just hear the words, but as if it takes time to translate it into meaning.

It's a very panicky feeling.

When the man stopped talking, I said, "Well, why don't we introduce ourselves around the table?"

And as I said it, I remembered that we had already done it.

And people were very kind.

People say, "Oh, you know, when I lead a meeting I forget where we are and so on."

But it seemed to me that that was not something that I usually find academics doing when they're the chair of a committee.

- Here's some numbers and letters, and I want you to find all the threes on this page, okay?

Make a mark, like this, each time you see a three.

- Okay.

- And don't place marks in any of the other numbers or letters, just the threes.

- Okay.

- Okay, what comes after that?

- Yeah, okay, got it.

- Four.

One.

Seven.

Nine.

Three.

Eight.

Six.

Okay, go ahead.

- Okay.

Seven.

Four.

Three.

Nine.

I don't know, I just remember eight, six, at the end.

- Okay.

Okay, could you do it a little bit faster?

Okay.

Zebra.

Subway.

Lamp.

Celery.

Cow.

Desk.

- Cow.

Squirrel.

Bookcase.

Truck.

Subway.

- Very good.

Okay.

Yeah, I noticed a couple of things.

I don't know if you noticed, but you had some hesitation and some confusion with that.

- [Gerda] Yeah, I know.

- Okay, so that's the motor programming area in the posterior frontal lobe, okay?

Because these tests are geared toward the average person.

- Yes.

- That whatever's going on is not gonna show up on these tests until down the line.

But it's real, and I don't think there are alternative explanations for this, okay?

But like I said, for somebody who's functioning at the very top of their game, any kinda deficits are going to be much more noticeable to them.

But because you have a lot of cognitive reserve, because you're so bright, you can compensate for them like that, and only you will notice.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

You do find that I was scattered in that way, don't you?

- Yeah, I think that you're a lot slower in getting things done.

You used to be, zap, zap, zap, and it's all finished.

Now you take a lot more time when you have to get something done.

- I take a lot more time getting dressed.

Just for me to make the decisions takes a lot of time.

It's that feeling that my brain is full, and I'd rather work with what's already there than put more stuff there that can confuse me.

So, it's a feeling of failure, for me, that I feel like that.

(somber music) (hands clapping) - So, it is therefore, with pleasure, I'd like to welcome you, Gerda, to this new world of retirement, and we will hope that our kids will earn lots of money to support us.

(people cheering) (hands clapping) - You taught me how to light things on fire.

(guests laughing) You are a good friend and you are really nice.

Happy retirement, Eli.

- You are brilliant and beautiful, and everything you pursue, you pursue with passion, your mothering, your pursuits in academics, and I have always admired that.

- Retirement is rebooting old stories into new literature.

You will, I'm confident, do so with the energy, dignity and compassion that I'd known as a hallmark of Gerda Saunders.

(hands clapping) (somber music continues) - There's some feeling of relief that I'm really not making this up.

This time my score fell into a stage of dementia, where the word, dementia, is actually part of the stage.

I am very diminished in the mathematical component.

And I had a bachelor's degree in math and worked in the field for many years.

So that is gone.

It just goes downhill from there, because there are seven stages, and progressively you lose cognitive skills and skills to perform daily activities.

Right now I'm suffering from an extreme lack of short-term memory, which also manifests as a severe form of attention deficit disorder.

So that I keep following visual stimuli from one place to the other.

But because my language skills in writing are still good, I don't feel that I have really any credibility.

I find it difficult to claim that I speak for people with dementia.

Because I'm not in a place where when we see people we think that person has dementia.

Sweetie.

(Peter chuckles) - Ooh, I love this fun stuff, I'm just gonna keep this box.

Oh no, (shivers).

(peter chuckles) My sweet, this is flash.

- I know, it's ridiculous, isn't it?

- Loose.

(smartwatch rings) Yes, sweetie.

- What do you think?

Will you appear in public with me?

- Yeah, but I'll have to...

These shoes won't do.

- No.

- I'll have to find something flash.

I'll just be able to comb my hair.

Okay, let's see.

- Oh, I'll be too shy to wear that.

- Look at that.

- Whoo-hoo.

- Hey, you look stupendous.

Yeah, my sweet, they look good.

(Peter vocalizing) (Gerda and Peter laugh) - I can't even lift my feet without- - [Peter] Whoo-woo.

- Well.

- No, they look really nice.

- [Gerda] I'm not sure, I'll have to wear them inside a bit.

- [Peter] As long as they're comfy.

- They are, actually.

So at some stage I couldn't remember the parts of an outfit anymore, and so I started photographing the outfits on my bed.

And so some of these first photos are when I laid them out on my bed so I could remember the different components that go with it.

Here's this one with a hat.

And I will find that top.

And I see it was worn with a red belt and with those earrings.

So I'm gonna go try and get the components of this outfit together and put it on.

Okay, these are some of my favorite, that I got in Rome.

I'm looking for a particular pair of shoes.

I think that clothing is one of the core expressions we have available.

That all works very well when your mind works well and you can efficiently manage the privilege of a wardrobe of clothes.

Okay, damn it.

It has already become evident that management is harder than it used to be.

Okay, now what did I...

I was thinking about... Oh yes, now I remember.

But where are they?

I'll go look here.

Let's see.

I get so frustrated when I know it's here somewhere.

Okay, I'm gonna look one more time.

I'm just gonna touch everything, because that sometimes helps to see something.

My sweetie, I can't find the damn things.

Sorry, no, nevermind, it's really difficult.

- Yeah, I'm gonna come help you.

- Okay, that would be great.

So, it's those shoes, and they're black, and then they have a... - Here.

- Oh no.

Oh no, my sweet, okay.

Thank you so much.

- All right, not a problem.

- Thank you.

The hero come to the rescue.

Thanks my sweet.

(laughs) Oh goodness.

When I got my favorite earrings for this, or one of my pairs of favorite earrings.

(sighs) Now I can't remember the shoes, I'll go to see.

Is that okay, Peter?

Tell me where I am.

- Is it ready?

- Yeah.

(pray hissing) Okay.

- Okay, I think that's perfect.

If you'll just spray a little bit more in the front for me?

- Okay.

- Perfect.

(Peter chuckles) Thank you.

Thanks, my sweetie, you're so nice.

- No problem.

Well, you look good, lovely.

- I'm gonna lie here by you.

(somber music) The way I see a life for myself, is that the body has this imperative to live.

It keeps on making cells and working on nutrition and working on getting energy to the body.

But that part of living is not for me what it's all about.

You cannot live without it, but for me, I cannot live only with that, with any of the other human functions of the mind not available to me.

Well let me rather say, I don't want to live like that.

I want to make a determination of what kind of living is worthwhile for me, in my life.

And then, at a point, end my own life.

(somber music continues) No, it's not.

- Yeah.

I think just down here.

- Hmm.

- Okay.

- Well, how nice to sit here.

- Nice to sit here.

(chuckles) Well, my sweet.

- Starting the week out like this.

- I have a nice coffee here.

Cheers.

(Gerda chuckles) So how you doing today?

- I'm okay.

thank you.

I didn't sleep, I woke up several times last night.

I think, partly, because of the movie we watched, and this was so specifically about finding out when you're ready to die with dementia.

- It's more about loss of dignity, isn't it?

- Yeah.

For me it is loss of dignity, but it depends on what you think of as dignity.

For me it is the loss of control over the simplest things.

The whole thing is, with dementia versus cancer, is that doctors can tell when somebody has about six months to live, with cancer.

But they can never do that with dementia.

Even in Holland, they won't do an assisted death unless a person, at that moment, is still able to say, "I want to have an assisted death right now."

Without assisted death available to us, I have to do this while I can still do all the actions to cause my death.

- All right, and they're not simple.

- No, they're not simple.

I've just become much more aware that for people with cancer or another physical disease, they only have to die when they're near death, really near death.

But for us, I would have to die before I'm near death, and you have to watch that happen.

- [Peter] I know.

- And that's what's the hardest about it.

- Yeah, I know, it's hard.

- Yeah.

(hair clipper buzzing) (hair dryer whooshing) (hair clipper buzzing) (band saw whirring) - So we met at university.

I used to walk her home, and she used to like these little flowers, and I used to pick them sometimes and put them in her hair, because of course I wanted to impress her.

(laughs) I was a little bit intimidated by her smartness, and I took a little bit of time for me to get over that.

But she was very gentle.

One, two, three, tap.

(laughs) - (indistinct) up.

- The wonder of her dementia is that her verbal side is good.

But I think she misses her independence.

She can't drive, she's totally dependent on me to take her anywhere she wants to, or, of course, she goes with Uber sometimes, but that also creates anxiety.

And the fact that she gets anxious, that's, I think, the toughest for her.

Yeah.

- Okay.

All right.

So I'm gonna go for a walk.

- All right, my sweet, enjoy your walk.

- And I'm just thinking when... Oh, what did I wanna say?

Oh yes, what I wanted to do say is that we should order food.

- Oh yeah, okay.

- So we should think where we gonna order food from.

- Well, enjoy.

- Bye!

(birds chirping) - The thing that I've learned about dementia is that you know you've got dementia, which I thought that people that can't remember or can't know things don't now that they can't do, but they do.

She's such an independent person, such a thinker.

This is the biggest thing you can imagine, the worst thing that I imagined could happen to her.

She's all about her brain and her thinking.

She dresses beautifully and she's got all these outfits, but her main piece of life is her brain and her thinking.

And so that this could be destroyed is hard for her.

It's hard for me.

All right, so let me check where Gerda is.

Let's see.

Find My, and I'm gonna look for Gerda.

And so let's see.

Ah, there we go.

So she's there.

- Hello.

- Hi, my angel.

So I see you over there by Simpson Street, so I think- - [Gerda] Yeah, I just turned around because there's no shade anywhere.

- Yeah, I think you should just come back now.

- [Gerda] Yeah, I am, I'll be right back - Okay, you know where you are, hey?

- [Gerda] Yeah, I think I'm...

I will find out where I am.

- Okay, my sweet.

- I'm walking towards the park, and I can't miss that.

- Yeah, I could see you here on Simpson Avenue, so I sorta know where you are.

- [Gerda] Okay, good.

- Okay, my angel.

- I shouldn't be too long.

- Okay, I'll see you just now now.

Okay.

I love to fix everything.

So when something is broken or even starting to break, I like to fix it.

I would always try to come up with ways to change things to make them better.

So that is part of my whole life.

And anything that Gerda's got as well, if it's not working, or if she's starting to do something and she can't work, I wanna fix it.

Sometimes that's not good, because sometimes she wants to talk to me about something, and if she's talking about something that I think needs to be fixed, and I wanna fix it, then the she'll tell me, "No, no ,no, your job is to listen to me, okay?

Don't want to fix everything."

But of course I wanna fix her too.

(chuckles) There she are.

- Hi.

- Hi there.

- I got back and everything.

- You can take off your mask.

- Oh, yeah.

(somber music) Oh!

Sorry.

Your intellect becomes this armor with which you defend yourself against the world.

And as your own trust in your intellect diminishes, or fades away, I slip into modes of being where the love that flows in more than makes up for the intellect that I've lost.

(both laugh) (somber music continues) I just succumb to it and think, here I am, and the love just flows in and it holds me in this space.

But when my father died, he died on an airplane while on a business trip.

And when you die on a plane, because of the air pressure things, your body becomes very bloated when you get back down, a dead body.

And so, the cops came to tell my mother that my father had died, and then she eventually had to go to the mortuary to identify his body.

And my two older brothers were with her, cops called them aside and said, "You know, the body does not look very good, and you may not want your mother to go."

And my mother just absolutely refused, then she said, "That is the body I lived with and that is the body I want to see."

And she went and she was utterly fine with it.

So that is the one example I get from her, that your body is part of who you are.

And, for me, my body is just like an old friend.

(somber music continues) For me, my identity comes from my brain, but has always to be manifested in your body.

And if that thing starts breaking, like mine is, then you very much realize your head is like a lump of marrow.

And that what goes wrong with that lump of marrow is reflected in your body and in your being.

(somber music continues) (indistinct TV chatter) - [TV Reporter] As a nation, these tragedies have united us in shock and mourning.

Yet, the first talk of solutions tears us apart.

No one among us is willing to put aside our (instinct) preloaded positions on guns in order to sit down and find a common ground solution.

That is something you wrote almost four years ago, when you were talking about your change of heart about guns in America.

(somber music drowns out TV) (indistinct chattering) - With being quarantined, or otherwise just very much at home, I feel the physical disconnection from our children and grandchildren.

Now that talking is becoming more difficult to me, that is a form of connection that I counted on.

(indistinct chattering) That connection with a child, even if they're now 13, like our oldest grandson, when I can just say, "Come sit on my lap and just be with me."

Now I can't even do a demonstration like that anymore.

(indistinct chattering) (somber music continues) So one of the things that I have feared about getting dementia, of getting to a point where I'm not physically approachable because of my behavior.

(indistinct chattering) And now circumstances have brought that moment forward to me while I can still mourn the loss.

(water splosh) - [Father] There you go.

(ice knocking) - [Peter] Okay.

- [Mother] Whoa!

- [Gerda] It causes me grief.

Oh, Wow!

Because it feels to me it's one more thing that I could use to be close to people, that now some of the time I had left to do that is now gone.

(indistinct chattering) (geese honking) I was just totally uninspired, and I know I gave into it and I watched all of Downton Abbey in a week's long, ongoing, three episodes a day, spurt.

(laughs) And I went to the orthopedic hospital, by the university, and they made me this support for my hand.

But it was such an amazing feeling, I sat there for almost an hour, and it was such an amazing feeling to be in a room with other people, it was like being in Starbucks.

Just that sense of you are in a community, even though you're not interacting very personally with everybody around.

But it was such a reminder for me of what a loss it is.

Well it is, I mean.

I really think so.

(somber music drowns out speaker) - [Peter] Yeah, okay.

(both laughing) - After some years a person gets used to doing things in a certain ways.

After 53 or 54 years, we, Gerda and I, have got our souls put together, and so for one of us to have to end it for the other, it's almost impossible.

Okay ,so let us see.

So here's the health documents.

- [Gerda] Okay.

- Okay, so here you say, "There are here a number of circumstances which I want myself and my healthcare surrogates to regard as flags that my desired quality of life is dwindling below the level of acceptability.

That I remember the names of my family members, loved ones and friends."

- Okay.

- And I think you do.

- I do most mostly.

- Mostly.

"Am I able to communicate well enough to make my intentions known?

Do my intention sound rational in the context of how my caregivers have known me for many years?"

You still communicate fairly well, but you're much slower than you used to be.

Much, much slower.

- Yeah.

And also, I know at times that I'm not rational, I make rash decisions.

- Yeah.

- That if it weren't that you guys were there, that I could talk it through with, I could get myself in trouble.

- Yeah.

"Do I wake up most day feeling joyful and excited about my new day, no matter the level of intellectual activity I'm capable of?"

- Well, there's some days when I feel I have nothing to be excited about for that day.

And those are the hard days.

Like those days when I sit on the couch and watch all of Downton Abbey's, how many episode?

And while I'm watching it I'm fine, but it's just, for me, so unsatisfactory to not be engaged on that level with things that I've done all my life.

Like the writing and the talking and everything.

So I still mourn it.

I try to be matter of fact about it, but I still hated that I have to consume other people's creativity rather than be creative myself.

- And I just want to tell you that even though I've said this, that you shouldn't think that you cannot sit on the couch and watch TV.

It's still whatever makes you calm that we need.

- Yeah.

Both of us came from such beginnings that we had so little in the material things, but we did have families who loved us and families who valued education and so on.

And maybe that's why it's so hard to... People used to say, nobody can take your education away from you.

(laughs) - (chuckles) I know, I hear.

But dementia can.

- Yeah.

- Sweetie.

(Peter chuckles) I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- Okay guys, the first thing we're gonna do, I'm gonna ask Dante and Aliya to light.

Dante, you can light this candle, and Aliya, you can light that candle, please.

(indistinct chattering) - That's it.

- Hold it.

- [Peter] There you go, very good.

Thank you.

- Okay.

- All right.

- For Sandy.

- Sandy.

- Okay, Sandy's gonna be over there.

- Okay, Sandy.

- Cool.

- But right now, and I could say it almost every new day, my dementia is harder than it's ever been to live with.

Every day I feel more unsure of myself and afraid to venture outside.

It feels to me like I'm back at the age of four, where I really cannot go anywhere without an adult, except in my own little backyard maybe.

It's come to the point where, before we got out Peter says to me, "Did you remember to go to the bathroom."

- [Peter] Very lovely to see you all.

- I can still read stuff and understand it, I've forgotten it all the next day, but I can't live in the world by myself.

(indistinct chattering) Peter and I talk all the time about if he should die before me then I really probably will have to back up the same day and go across the road to the senior space with a memory care center.

My kids could help me, but I would not do that to my children.

I would not have them take the responsibility to do everything that Peter is doing for me.

Peter and I have lived this life together, and I think we can do it for each other up to a point.

And we're not up to the point yet, where I feel, again, I cannot do it to him anymore.

But I'm way beyond the point where I feel I can ask it of my children.

Basically so you guys know that we've wanted to show you the things that we're gonna need help with in the next while, especially if dad dies before me.

- Is there anything you want us to burn or shred before the authorities get here?

(Peter laughs) - I've asked our friends to come and get our sex toys before we.

(all laugh) (indistinct chattering) Yeah, I just wanna talk to the kids and everybody about what this is for.

And so, Dante and Aliya and Kanye, as you know when people get older, sometimes if something like a big accident happens to you or so, and you know that if they take you to hospital, and even if they fix your broken leg or something, but your heads been damaged, so in those cases we've, on these forms, we tell our doctors don't do surgery on me or anything if I'm not gonna be able to function after the surgery.

So in our country you can, in some States, you can help people to die, but in our state it's not legal, so we can't do that.

So if ouma and oupa, if we still live here, which I think we will, then and if we want to die, and we're really in bad shape, then we can't just call the doctor and tell them to give us a shot.

But so, what ouma and ouma are gonna do if we really feel we can't live anymore, or if I can't recognize you guys anymore, and I don't know what's going on, or I'm mean to you or something like that, then I'm also gonna stop eating and drinking.

And then the thing is that I'll need everybody's help in this.

Because you know, with my dementia, my memory is bad.

And so, I may say, the one day, I really don't wanna eat and drink anymore because I wanna die now.

And then next day I forgot that I said it, and I say, "Oh, bring me some food."

And then I ask you, just tell me, "Ouma, do you remember that you said you don't want food and drink anymore, because you said you wanted to die?"

And then I say, "oh, yes, I remember."

And then you just help me in that way, by not letting me eat or drink.

- And then, this is ouma's long story.

So she talks about here what it means to her to have a good life.

So she says these are the questions you need to ask.

Things like, do I wake up most days feeling joyful and excited?

Do I look forward to more things than I dread?

Do I appear to act happy for more hours than not?

Do I sleep most of the day?

Does it take my combined caretakers more hours per day to take care for me than the hours I am when I'm not consuming care?

So ouma listed a lot of points here, and these are the points that she wants you guys to be aware of, as that this will mean that her life is now not worth living.

Part of the reason why we're so pedantic about everything is that mom is, she's completely and totally scared that she's not gonna be able to know enough to talk about this later on.

So she wants everything detailed, the last drop, because she's totally scared of not being able to do it.

And that's part of the reason why it's in so much detail.

- But if anyone of you feel, at that moment or at any time, you just cannot do it, we ask that you just let the others who can do it proceed.

And as I say, if nobody's left to help me deal with it, and I'm totally nuts, I probably won't care as much.

It's just so draining on families, just terribly draining.

Well, thanks so much, everybody.

Thanks for being here, and going through this.

Thank you for staying through this, Aliya.

And I know it's not fun to think about, but I think if you don't know anything about this, and suddenly one of us dies then it's probably gonna be worse.

And we'll tell you before we do anything.

Of course, we can die in any other way too.

(somber music) Thank you.

- So, Gerda, she just doesn't want to feel that she's a mean grandma or somebody that doesn't know us or her family.

(somber music continues) That's harder for me.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, um.

(somber music continues) - It's not a small thing to be alive.

I treasure that, but I also treasure a life that is still growing toward, or growing in consciousness.

I would love to be able to say thank you God for my wonderful life, may I also have a wonderful death?

(somber music continues) - If you're with somebody all the time, the changes are so gradual you sometimes don't notice them.

But how do you know that?

It's just I've struggled so much with that.

And I just think to myself, how will you know that that time is now?

It's really tough, because here's too early, and here's too late, how do you get the right spot in the middle?

We think we've got control of it, but we most probably don't.

So we will just have to do our best.

(somber music) - I like to think of the world and life as a use of energy.

And as long as you're alive, you can use energy to prevent the disorder of your mind from just taking over your life.

(somber music continues) And so as long as you have the life power to keep on making order out of disorder, that is the function of life.

What'd you do?

(laughs) To me, it seems that that moment when you cease having the ability to make your mark in the world as a human, when that is gone, I don't feel sadness for the body that is left.

(Gerda laughing) Yeah!

There they fly, all the way.

(hands clapping) (indistinct chatter) (somber music continues) (laughing) (somber music continues) (indistinct chattering) We've always had the argument, you say that that people have got to be in love for a lifetime.

And I say, you can't be in love, but you can love each other.

And sometimes I have, despite that feeling, I've said to you, "I feel as in love with you as I was when I was 17."

(both laugh) And I know I've said it to you very recently and I really do feel it.

I am so lucky.

Who finds a partner that they can spend so long with, and then to still love them the same, but actually not the same, but more, after so many years.

- My, sweet, I know.

- And I feel I'm so lucky.

Yeah.

Was there anything else that you wanted- - No, that's it.

So what's your plans for the rest of the day?

(somber music) "The Gerda That Remains" is made possible in part by the contributing members of PBS Utah.

Thank you.