I sit down at the table on a chair and she has the materials the test materials in front of her.

She goes through a particular order through these materials.

I would be at times writing with a pencil and at times I would just be responding verbally.

Then there are other tests where you have to join letters or numbers in specified orders.

There I missed a few more than I had before.

This time I left out a kind of important chunk of the diagram that apparently I had managed to remember the previous times.

I am very diminished in the mathematical component.

And I had a bachelor's degree in math and worked in the field for many years.

So that is gone.

This time was the first time that my - my score fell into a stage of dementia where the word dementia is actually part of the stage.

I'm now officially in the fourth stage.

It just goes downhill from there because there are seven stages and progressively you lose cognitive skills and skills to perform daily activities.

It's an odd mixture of feelings.

There's some feeling of relief, that, OK, I'm really not making this up.

Also, I've been talking and writing about my dementia, and because my language skills and writing are still good, I don't feel that I have really any credibility.

I find it difficult to claim that I speak for people with dementia, because I'm not in a place where, where when we see people we think, Oh, that person has dementia."

It validates my sense that I am part of a community that I don't want to be part of, but also it strengthens my my desire to speak things that many people cannot bring themselves to say, and it puts an urgency on my sense that I have to right now since I have the opportunity to make these videos, that I have to do it even though sometimes I just feel it's - it's a big stress.

I really feel that that is something that in my life where I've lost so many possibilities of goals that I could have in my retirement, where that is a remaining goal that I can stick to and still do for what I hope is a considerable time longer.