When I stopped working at the University, my colleagues gave me a going away present.

[music] It was a beautiful leather bound journal, and I decided to just write things related to my dementia in there as they happen, without emotion.

[To self] Um, what am I doing?

Oh yeah.

I call it field notes because I was imagining myself to be an anthropologist observing this one individual of a strange tribe.

[reading] August 17, 2013 I've been having some clothing trouble and inside out problems with underwear also some back to front issues with tops [readings overlap] .

.. August 6, 2013 ...

I got dressed all the way to my shoes and earrings before I noticed that I had not put on a crucial piece of underwear ... ... the other day I put my bra on over my pajama t-shirt.

July 26, 2014 I had to try about six times before I got my [fading] apron strings tied behind my back [speaking] I like things that are not the same as what you see everywhere.

Interesting shapes of clothes colors I'm not shy.

And I like unusual accessories.

Those things are very important to me.

[music] I think that clothing or style is one of the core expressions we have available.

That all works very well when your mind works well and you can efficiently manage the privilege of a wardrobe of clothes.

For me, it has already become evident that that management is harder than it used to be.

[music fades] [quietly] I'm looking for a particular pair of shoes [to self] O.K.

Damn it.

O.K.

Now what did I ...

I was thinking about ... Oh yes now I remember ... but where are they?

Let me go ...

I'll ...

I'll go look here.

[whispering] Let me see ...

I'm sor ...

I get so ... frustrated.

Sorry.

Now I know it's here somewhere ... um ...

I wore them not too long ago.

[music from office] but I don't know what outfit I wore ... Sweetie I can't find the damn things.

Sorry ... no, nevermind.

[laughs] Peter: I'll come help you.

Would you like me to come help you?

Gerda: O.K.

That would be great.

Gerda: So, it's those shoes, we bought them just before we went to Europe.

Peter: Here Gerda: Ach, no.

Ach, no my sweetie.

[Peter laughing] Gerda: Thank you so much.

Peter: Yeah [laughing] [quietly] No problem.

Gerda: Thank you.

The hero comes to the rescue.

Thanks my sweet.

[music] [Gerda reading] Isn't letting go of the things of the world, part of the transformation I must undergo as I enter zombiehood?

[Gerda reading] How can I put the burden of replicating an aesthetic that I've cultivated over the years, on someone already spending their lumpen time on me?

[music] [Gerda speaking] I cannot keep the scope of everything and all the ...

I cannot keep it together in my head.

And that is sad for me.

I think it's also likely that as my ability to manage this decreases, that I will ...

I will just let go of it.

The fact that I could be at peace with that now, it seems to me to speak to the possibility that at future I could be at peace with not dressing anymore.

Peter: You ready?

Gerda: Yeah.

Peter: OK?

Gerda: Perfect [Peter laughs] Gerda: Thank you.

Gerda: Thank you sweetie, so much.

Peter [laughing]: No problem.

Peter: Well, you look lovely.

Gerda: Well thank you.

[music fades]